5 ThingsEvery ParentNeeds to Know
13+ years coaching junior footballers in Melbourne. These are the 5 things I wish every parent understood before their child's first session.
I've coached hundreds of junior players across Melbourne. The difference between players who improve fast and those who stagnate almost always comes down to what happens off the pitch, and that starts with the parents.
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When a parent says "you're so talented" after a good game, the child learns that their ability is fixed. They either have it or they don't. When they have a bad game, they think they've lost the talent. Instead say "I loved how hard you worked today" or "you kept going when it got tough, and that's what good players do." This is called a growth mindset and it is the single biggest predictor of long-term player development. The players I've seen improve the fastest almost always have parents who focus on effort and process, not outcomes and results.
What this looks like in practice
After the next session, ask "what was the hardest moment today and how did you handle it?" instead of "did you play well?"
Research on youth sport consistently shows that the car ride home after a game is one of the most emotionally significant moments for a junior athlete. If that time is filled with critique such as "you should have passed earlier" or "why didn't you shoot?", the child associates football with stress and judgment. Over time they either lose enjoyment or start playing for you instead of themselves.
The rule I give every parent: for the first 10 minutes after a game, say nothing about the football. Ask how they feel. Let them lead. If they want to talk about it, great. If not, talk about something else entirely. Let the session or game settle before any analysis.
What this looks like in practice
The silent 10-minute rule. Nothing about football for the first 10 minutes of the drive home.
I can run the best session in the world on a Tuesday night, but if a player goes home and doesn't touch a ball again until the following Tuesday, they will improve slowly. The players who develop fastest are the ones doing 10 to 15 minutes of ball work at home. Not structured drills, just touching the ball. Juggling in the backyard. Passing against a wall. Dribbling around the bins. It doesn't need to be organised or coached. It just needs to happen.
As a parent, the most powerful thing you can do is make that easy. Have a ball accessible, have a wall or a fence nearby, and encourage it without forcing it.
What this looks like in practice
Leave the ball out in the backyard. Don't put it away. Make it the easiest thing in the environment to pick up.
This is the hardest one for parents to hear but the most important. When a parent calls instructions from the sideline such as "pass it," "shoot," or "get back," the child is receiving two sets of instructions simultaneously. They cannot process both. What actually happens is they stop trusting their own instincts and start looking to the sideline for approval. That kills decision-making, which is one of the most important skills in football.
My role as a coach is to create an environment where players make decisions, make mistakes, and learn from them. That process gets interrupted every time a parent coaches from the outside. The best thing you can do during a session or game is cheer effort, celebrate good moments for both teams, and stay quiet on tactics.
What this looks like in practice
At the next game, only say your child's name to encourage them. Nothing tactical, nothing instructional.
Junior football development is not linear. A player can go three months without visible improvement, then suddenly everything clicks. Early physical developers often look like the best players at 10 or 11, but by 15 or 16 the technically developed players have caught up and overtaken them. I have seen quiet, overlooked players at 9 years old become the best players in their team by 14 because their parents stayed patient, kept it enjoyable, and trusted the process.
The pressure to be the best player right now is one of the leading causes of kids quitting sport by 13. Your job as a parent is to keep football enjoyable for long enough that the development can happen naturally. That is a longer game than one season.
What this looks like in practice
Think about where you want your child to be at 16, not at the end of this season.
Your 5-Week Action Plan
One focus per week. Don't try to change everything at once. Pick up one habit, live with it for a week, then move to the next. Print this out and put it on the fridge.
Praise the Work, Not the Gift
This week, catch yourself before saying "well played" and replace it with something specific about effort or attitude instead. Try something like "I loved how you kept running even when you were tired" or "you didn't give up and that's the most important thing." Notice what changes in how your child talks about football after the session.
10 Minutes, No Football Talk
For the first 10 minutes after every game this week, no football analysis. Let your child lead any conversation about it. Ask "how do you feel?" rather than "how did you play?" If they don't bring it up themselves, talk about food, their friends, or anything else and let the game settle first.
Make It Easy to Touch the Ball
Leave a ball out where your child walks past it every day. Don't put it away after training. If they pick it up and have a kick for five minutes without being asked, celebrate that quietly. Encourage without pushing. "Do you want to do a bit of juggling?" will always work better than "go and practise your football."
One Game, Zero Instructions
At the next game, make a mental note every time you want to call out a tactical instruction, and then don't say it. Use your child's name only to encourage: "great work," "keep going," "well done." Notice how your child's body language changes when the sideline is calm and positive.
Think About Who They Will Be at 16
Write down three qualities you want your child to have as a 16-year-old player and person. Then ask yourself honestly whether your current behaviours on the sideline and in the car are actually building those qualities. The season doesn't define them. The habits you build together over years do.
About Justin
Justin Spiteri
I started JS Football because I kept seeing the same thing: talented young players losing their love of the game before they ever reached their potential. Not because of bad coaching, but because of pressure. Too much pressure, too soon, from too many directions.
I've been coaching junior footballers in Melbourne for over 13 years. In that time I've worked with hundreds of players from absolute beginners to rep level. The ones who make it aren't always the most talented at 10. They're the ones who still love the game at 15.
This guide is what I tell every parent at the start of the season. If you take one thing from it, take this: your child's relationship with football is more important than any result. Protect that relationship and everything else follows.
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